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July 29, 2011

After your client has decided to collaborate rather than litigate, your next task is to introduce our team approach, and, in particular, to “sell” the need for coaches.

I hope the following will help you with this potentially difficult task.


  •   You have hired me because I have the training and experience to assist you in the complex process of getting a divorce.
  •   Even if you had chosen to litigate this case, but particularly because we have decided to collaborate, my first commitment is to reduce the trauma of this process as much as possible
  •   Divorces have different configurations of legal elements such as the division of property, spousal support and child custody.
  •  What I have found is that even with these differences, there is one thing that all members of divorcing families have in common: Each person has very strong feelings about what is happening to their once (more) stable family.
  •   If we can effectively manage these strong feelings, we have a much better chance of keeping each member of your family emotionally strong, ready to tackle the next phase of his or her life.
  •  Because I want to make this transition as easy as possible, and because I believe that these strong emotions threaten to disturb the process, I recommend that we enlist the help of a coach.
  • In our situation (since I am not a mental health professional), I would like to refer you to the person who can help us manage the emotions of divorce.  The coach will teach you how to communicate more effectively without alienating your spouse or distressing your children.
  •  Because the coach is trained to deal with emotion, he or she can best teach you these skills, and then you can return to our office with the confidence that we can proceed more smoothly with the legal portion of the process, which will end with a signed judgment.
  •   I will give you several names to choose from and hope that you will call one of them to make an appointment.
  •  Your coach will explain in much more detail about what the two of you will be doing.
  • If you have any questions, thoughts or feelings after your first visit please call me so we can discuss your concerns.
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